GAIA TINCTURE

2012-01-28T00:38:00.000-05:00

O' that it might change you

or for some grave of traditional masks from bali

turned into a gargoyle on the side of a church

polygonal face behind the mask

just the coals burning at dawn

but through the way intense heat

warps our plane of vision,

the green beret painting his face the
many colors of green that is the jungle.

vapor swords into vapor ploughshares

hermaphroditic testaments to fertility and snow

fire

we're driving and we see a house burning

so we pull over

"i be on the block
til the moon get sleepy

2012-01-24T18:10:00.001-05:00

from fork firm

2012-01-23T19:46:00.000-05:00

2012-01-22T19:53:00.005-05:00

***

halfway

I don't have time

to tell other people
how to live their lives

world war three
I should've asked him
'but it was not my place
to bring something like

that up in front of others

"we're just a bunch of hillbillies-

jen said

jen said

jenny said

and I drove back home as fast as
I could and blew up the moon-

I lied when I said I would help
them out. They were already
galloping towards the edge.

flowers
you are the stove
the world is the oven

could never tell what
I sold it in exchange for

*** **** ***** *

2012-01-19T02:05:00.002-05:00

2012-01-17T15:12:00.001-05:00

year of the Snake
how could I

not try to shine in they?

that shot me into my fever

and awake, sacred objects all
in a storage unit in west haven

remind me of the holding pattern
that I drove like it was my hands

with palms open and up to the sky

in Windsor,
the no trespassing sign and a dog-

how could we let the crazy
things we were thinking

come to us in their own cars

all of their own volition,

smelling the trail like a dog,
three wise men follow a star,

a head on a stake warning
other tribes that we are all

cannibalistic

blood-worshippers

rain and the road eater

when I finally ran home.

*** **** ******

only cut your hair during the full moon

aesthetic,

apartment;

lost walking down secret
languages of geometry

made for me for my 700th reincarnation
as a sweating eighteen year old trapped
for millenniums in amber at the bottom

of port authority...

If this blue car were an F1

if this blue care were an F1

Collapsing my back,

anything but the vanishing point

Working my arms and legs like a rat

my father never learned to be A

B
when it was in wrappers in the bag

i should've done my first career
whats that? nursing, yeah...

-cam

hvar

2012-01-12T12:48:00.005-05:00

WHITE HAND ON THE WHITE MAN AGAN

2012-01-12T00:11:00.006-05:00

AND THEMS KNOWN IT II

DOES DRINKING WITH DOGS

IN THE SAME ROOM

COUNT

AS DRINKING BY YERSELF?

YOU WROTE THIS HAIKU

IT WAS ALL ABOUT PA

AND ALL THE CAPS THERE:

RED CAP

GREEN CAP

BLUE

WOAH THE SHATTERED EMBRYO KEEPS MAKING DECISIONS. IT WAS LIKE BEING EXCEPTIONALLY INTELLIGENT IN CORN FIELD. NOBODY CARES. NOW I KEEP WATCHING THE TV TALK AT ME SAYING DARK THINGS. I AGREE WITH THE DARK THINGS BECAUSE THEY MAKE MY DEPRESSING CONCEPTION SEEM NUANCED AND PUBLISHABLE. PEOPLE IN THE NBA ARE ORGANIC ANOMALIES. PEOPLE IN THE MLB TAKE DRUGS AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT. I KEEP PASSING TIME BY MOVING BETWEEN ROOMS. EVERY TIME I GO INTO THE NEW ROOM I EXPECT THE CONTENTS TO BE STARTLING OR ENGAGING. THE PUBLISHED CLOCK AT THE PMA DOESNT WORK. LOOK AT ME. I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY AGAIN. PEOPLE SHOULD TRUST FISHERMEN. NICK MOVED FIVE POUNDS OF 'MARIJUANA' TO MIAMI ON A GRAYHOUND AFTER TWO SEMESTERS OF POLI-SCI AT RUTGERS AND NOW HE'S A COMMERCIAL FISHERMAN IN RHODE ISLAND. THE POLAR ICECAPS ARE MELTING AND IM STILL TRYING TO BE AN ARCHITECT OR A LAWYER. PRETTY SOON WE'RE GOING TO NEED NICK'S SKRIMPS AND BASS. I JUST HOPE THAT TIME HE PULLED A BELLYKNIFE ON ZACH HC WASNT JUST BECAUSE OF THE 4LOKO--THAT HE ACTUALLY DESIRES TO PROTECT ME IN A TOTALLY NOHOMO WAY.

I SEE NEW JERSEY OPENING UP. WILDWOOD FIRST. THE GOOGIE BUILDINGS RIPPING FROM THE TOP. AND THEN THE ANGELS POURING OUT LIKE SEMEN. IT SMELLS LIKE SEMEN ON THIS BEAUTIFUL. IM FILLED UP. WHERES--

2011-12-27T17:15:00.003-05:00

"i have no fear i have only slush"
the hairties we

uses to keep

hair itself up
our in braids

forward movement
in 1995 mrs. leonard
returned from mexico

to tell us that they served

her coca-cola in plastic bags /\

in reality no one
wanted to watch

her eat . her students
were disgusted by it. /\/\/\ /\

the bartender

wanted to go out tonight

but he turned up the tv
and waited for another

hour, watching sports. /\

who would've know that
sorré's kings were watching
the news at the same time

at their shitty ex-pat's bar

the blue chevy truck /\

stuck in the red mud that the
high grass grew around between

the northbound and southbound
interstate highways, the wheels

catching in all the wrong places /\

the rooks ran in with a pistol

i hoped for a diamond asteroid until
we spent every dollar on malt liquor

and I gave birth to that tired comet

two mean faces

idolizing the wrong everything.

a roy g biv infinitely-faceted helix of search lights

Blue Indigo Violet /\ /\ /\

choppers coming in loud /\ /\ /\ /\

blue slush
i've eaten better
i took a pic of it
before i ate it

*** *********

White pineapple

2011-12-19T16:26:00.000-05:00

I walked down the road to get a taste of Rashida's white pineapple. They only come about two times a year. It was a full moon. When I got to her house, I realized the dogs had been barking for a while. I hadn't showered and the sickness smelled for miles. Rashida popped open the screen door and told me to come in quick. Inside, a fire burned. On the table she had cut up the fruit, its juices reflecting the flickering firelight. I sat down, knowing very well that I might not make it to next pineapple season. My fingers trembled. Rashida looked at me like we had just met. I put my hand on the table, trying to reach for the fruit as casually as possible. The period between reaching for the pineapple and putting it in my mouth is blurry. When the fruit entered my mouth, I started to cry.

Bronchial

2011-12-19T16:00:00.003-05:00

Bronchial

it's done by driving

in the car is always the first time

I notice it's winter

even in California, you just see shit

flying around everywhere, you notice

the trash, because you're cold and trash

is always cold, inanimate, and dead.

There's this industrial area and ian curtis

there's empty signs and you know things are bad

there's guys in the projects waiting on bikes

grown men with shorts over windbreaker pants

sitting on some little sister's bike that's pink

and has nice gears and shit

and these guys all look the same in black hats and

cheap nokia cell phones, waiting, moving like the trash.

It's different here because the projects are single storied,

each has a little cubicle yard and the parents all

leave the laundry on the line so when it rains

it gets re-wet, just like the spoon, and just like

the couch in smells like sweat after drying up.

And so I work out here, I listen to the winter

I can feel my bones and wear boots so the concrete

isn't my best friend, but not a nemesis.

There's a drug worth dealing in and my cough

brings me codeine sleep, codeine day

codeine night.

The doctor said mountains are rivers

the doctor said the plains are test sites

the doctor said she'll take care of you

and the doctor said these are the days

don't go to the hospital, the doctor said

this is where you live drowned out and on fire.

And I think the mountains are rivers

and I think everyone is the same sometimes

that we are all functioning by the same devices

some just got fucked up wiring

some need to be re-booted

and others are running on nothing.

I'm in the middle but far out

catching a ride

letting my hard-drive swim

etching the tired waves done gone

in my motherboard with my wife

loving the days as they pass, watching death

go by and come back as beauty.

recipes for cake

2011-12-06T09:29:00.005-05:00

***** **** **** ******** ****

back muscle is a geodesic dome

cadets grind very square teeth

god is where sleep takes over

speed is stunted intuition

butterflies are the crystals

that make wall rainbows

vienna sausage is a lot of stuff

kept in brine that i can't explain

now,

cigarette burns are to show your

devotion to the late darby crash

i have seen dogs, cats, cows,

pigs, and birds of all types cry

caterpillars can be butterflies

yay is cheap trick to the

all night diners are sugar

towels are part robes

mirrors are not real

bleach is a killer

our moon can be evil or benevolent

stars are like people too, in that way

bottles are machined glass or plastic

terror is perfect

bathtubs are targets

vacuums wake people up

sandbags are great fortification

headaches are you

burger king comes in a bag

with fries if you order them

we might spend hours lost

circling in a blue car but

we will get there

* * *

THE THIRD YEAR OF NINES

2011-12-04T22:41:00.007-05:00

NO CITY SLEEPS. PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS FEELING THAT WAY WHEN THEY NEED MONEY. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER EYES FIRST. WHEN YOU PASS SOMEONE SPEAKING WITH A BLUETOOTH RECEIVER IN THEIR RIGHT EAR YOU CANT TELL IF YOUR CATCHING A PSYCHOSIS MOMENT OR NOT. I WONDER IF THATS DIFFERENT IN GREAT BRITAIN OR AUSTRALIA. IF THE WORLD COLLAPSES LIKE EVERYONE WANTS AND I SURVIVE SOMEHOW IM GOING TO THE TOP OF A SKYSCRAPER. IM GOING TO GET A SHOPPING CART AND FILL IT WITH ALCOHOL AND TAKE IT TO THE TOP FLOOR AND GO TO THE WINDOW WITH THE CART. I DONT CARE HOW LONG IT TAKES ME TO CLIMB THE STAIRS. AND WHEN I GET THERE IM GOING TO DRINK THE ALCOHOL UNTIL I DIE LIKE MY GRANDFATHER. AND FEEL THE GLOW OF THE WORLD CORKSCREW FROM MY POISON.

PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS ASK YOU FOR MONEY AND CIGARETTES

WHICH IS THE SAME THING FOR MOST DESPERATE INDIVIDUALS

2011-12-02T18:30:00.002-05:00

mcgee and the tent
he was at the wall
holding pale green
pieces of melon

thinking about how when
you fill up a bathtub, the

the tub needs to be
warmed by the water

it holds

in it's cupped palms.

I had a girlfriend who
would always talk about

her skinhead ex-boyfriends

and something about it
always made me have

to drink myself to sleep.

211. 18.

the diabetic speed freak
who was my first love-

she loved candy so much-

it makes sense that humans
would invent vodka and rum

to mix with orange or apple juice.

someone couldn't hang
with the devil clik

or the secret club

and so they ran out of the basement

screaming "i hate the secret club"

as we woke up in our cereal

as we woke up alone at night

as we woke up in the wal-mart
parking lot sick to our stomachs

lighting cigarettes, starting the car

duct taping our feet to the bottom
of the open car, riding suicide into

the rising sun, my ancestral homeland

like a police siren lighting up the night

waiting on her waiting on her
prescriptions to be refilled

falling asleep next to the wrong guy

who's to say there's a right guy

living in the houses that you
are hired to construct

and then gutting them one at a time

and trying to rebuild them stronger

eating an actual handful of drugs

before driving to visit your
grandmother in the hospital,

it's like watching a purple kid
hit a piñata filled with flowers

all of the parents start clapping

as all the children scramble for

sleeping in the abandoned house
you grew up in, seeing your breath

reminding you of mcgee and the tent

that sounds like a parable

because it was one

fear of coke dealers
if you opened up the mirror
in the sky it would peel back

andy says
whenever I catch my reflection
in something I don't think I would

know it was me if no one told me

LIVE
BY
YO
REP

LICE
BY
YO
RER

******** ********** *******

HOW MANY OF US HAVE THEM?

2011-11-20T16:06:00.002-05:00

HALF CUP: (FOR SAM ZIMMAN)

HOYTE AND GOLDMAN WERE BOTH FROM NEW YORK. GOLDMAN THE CITY AND HOYTE SCARSDALE. BUT THEY BOTH ENJOYED YANKEES BASEBALL AND HAD ENDED UP IN ARIZONA FOR THE AIR. WHEN HOYTE'S FATHER DIED AND LEFT HIM A HEFTY SUM OF MONEY HOYTE MOVED OUT THERE HOPING THE DRY AIR WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIS HEART CONDITION. REAL ESTATE IN BROOKLYN HAD GONE PRETTY HIGH UP AND SO GOLDMAN CASHED IN THE DELI AND MOVED OUT TO ARIZONA HOPING THE DRY DESERT AIR WOULD BE GOOD FOR HIS ASTHMA. THEY BOTH ENDED UP IN EARNSDALE--TWO YEARS APART. EARNSDALE WAS AN OLD RANCHER'S TRADING POST IN NORTHERN ARIZONA. THERE WERE A FEW ENORMOUS CATTLE RANCHES SOME MILES OUTSIDE AND A SEVERAL BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPES. IT ATTRACTED WEALTHY TOURISTS INTERESTED IN THE RUGGEDNESS AN OLD RANCHERS POST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE PAINTED DESERT SEEMED TO SUGGEST. WHEN HOYTE MOVED OUT THERE HE DIDN'T EXPECT TO MEET MINDIE. BUT THINGS MOVED QUICKLY AND EVENTUALLY THEY DECIDED TO OPEN A CAFE THAT SERVED SANDWICHES AND ICE CREAM CALLED "COWBOY COFFEE." IT WAS A PROJECT THEY COULD WORK ON TOGETHER. AND MINDIE HAD A MIND FOR ALL THE BOOKS STUFF--KEEPING THINGS IN ORDER. HOYTE JUST WANTED A PLACE TO HANGOUT PUBLICLY. WHY NOT OPEN A CAFE? IT WOULD KEEP MINDIE BUSY AND GIVE HIM SOME KIND OF LOCAL INFLUENCE. HE HAD THE MONEY AND IT'S NOT LIKE THAT SORT OF THING WOULD GO UNDER. BESIDES--HE COULD OFFER WIRELESS INTERNET THERE. NO OTHER BUSINESS IN TOWN HAD THAT. NOT EVEN THE HOTELS. HE TOLD MINDIE ONE NIGHT OVER LOCAL WINE AND SALAD: "I'LL TELL YOU THIS--IF YOU WANT TO HAVE A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS YOU GOTTA GIVE THE PUBLIC SOMETHING IT WANTS BUT DOESN'T HAVE. I MEAN--YEAH--THERE ARE NO CAFE'S HERE BUT PEOPLE CAN JUST MAKE THEIR OWN COFFEE. THEY CAN'T MAKE THEIR OWN WIRELESS INTERNET. AND WHAT DO PEOPLE NEED WHEN THEY USE THE INTERNET? COFFEE." MINDIE LOOKED AT HIM SALACIOUSLY AND THEY WANDERED TO BED.

HOYTE HAD BEEN RIGHT. THAT IS--HIS PREDICTION THAT WIRELESS INTERNET WOULD BE A SERIOUS DRAW FOR BUSINESS HAD BEEN CORRECT. IT SEEMED LIKE HE COULDN'T PURCHASE ENOUGH SERGE PROTECTORS TO KEEP ALL THE LAPTOPS RUNNING. AND ALL THE DAY TRADING AND EMAILING AND RESEARCH DID SEEM TO REQUIRE COFFEE. COWBOY COFFEE WAS DOING VERY WELL AND ON TOP OF THAT HOYTE HAD A TALL, BLOND, LOCAL BEAUTY. A REAL COWGIRL WHO RESPECTED THE INTEGRITY OF HIS BUSINESS SENSE. WHO MADE HIM FEEL SMART. HE CHUCKLED INTO THE MIRROR ONE MORNING WHILE SHAVING: "GOOD FOR YOUR HEART? HELL YEAH, BROTHER!" AND THEN LOOKED AT MINDIE STILL ASLEEP IN BED--ON HER SIDE WITH HER HANDS OVER HER HEAD. HER RUFFLED HAIR SEEMED TO SPEAK LOVELY THINGS TO HIM.

GOLDMAN MOVED WITH HIS WIFE EMILY. AFTER ERIC HAD GONE TO SCHOOL IT MADE NO SENSE TO STAY IN THE CITY. GOLDMAN TOLD EMILY ONE DAY: "I'M TELLING YOU. THIS AIR. I MEAN. THIS AIR. IT'S GARBAGE! I FEEL LIKE I'M BREATHING IN TOTAL GARBAGE EVERY TIME I SUCK SOME AIR IN. IT'S LIKE I'M INHALING A GODDAMMED DIAPER AND THREE TAMPONS EVERY TIME I BREATH!...USED TAMPONS!" EMILY LOOKED AT HIM, SHOOK HER HEAD AND CHANGED THE CHANNEL.

BUT SHE WAS GLAD TO GET OUT OF THE CITY. SURE SHE WOULD MISS ERIC BUT OUT IN THE COUNTRY SHE COULD RELAX. NOT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THE NEW PEOPLE LOOKING AT HER. AND SHE COULD START PAINTING LIKE SHE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. AFTER ALL--IT WAS CALLED THE "PAINTED DESERT." THERE WOULD SOME MANY BEAUTIFUL THINGS TO SEE AND SHE WOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE PEOPLE FOR ONCE IN HER LIFE.

GOLDMAN TOLD EMILY: "WE CAN START A DELI OUT THERE. SAME BUSINESS AS ALWAYS JUST IN A NEW PLACE. YOU KNOW HOW MANY NEW YORK CITY DELIS THERE ARE IN NEW YORK CITY? HOW ABOUT ALL OF THEM! YOU KNOW HOW MANY NEW YORK CITY DELIS THERE ARE IN EARNSDALE? HOW ABOUT NONE! IT'LL BE A CINCH." SHE NODDED AND WIPED A CONDENSATION STAIN FROM THE COFFEE TABLE. HIS MOTHER'S COFFEE TABLE, BY THE WAY.

WHEN THE GOLDMAN'S ARRIVED IN EARNSDALE THEY WERE NERVOUS. AFTER BREAKING A PLATE EMILY SMELLED A STRANGE BURNING. CIGARETTES. SHE WALKED TO THE PORCH AND SAW GOLDMAN STIFLING A COUGHING FIT. "GOLDM--I MEAN--HAROLD! YOU DON'T SMOKE! YOU HAVEN'T SMOKED SINCE THE 80'S. WHAT ARE YOU DOING! YOUR ASTHMA! WHAT ABOUT ERIC! ERIC WITH A DEAD FATHER...YOU SHOULD REALLY BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. AND ERIC. O BOY."

"WHAT! THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE DO HERE. THEY'RE COWBOYS. GOYEM COWBOYS ALL SMOKE CIGARETTES. IT'S RESEARCH. THAT'S ALL. IT'S JUST RESEARCH SO I CAN UNDERSTAND HOW THE LOCAL CLIENTELE YOU KNOW--TASTE THINGS."

"I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NEW YORK DELI. A REAL NEW YORK DELI. REMEMBER--BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE ANY?"

"O THAT'S JUST A SHTICK. YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE A SHTICK TO DO WELL IN BUSINESS. BUT YOU HAVE TO GIVE THEM WHAT THEY WANT EVEN IF IT ISN'T TRUE TO YOUR SHTICK. BUT KEEP YOUR SHTICK UP."

ALL SHE COULD DO IS ASK "WHAT ABOUT ERIC?" ONCE MORE AND GO INSIDE TO KEEP UP WITH THE PLATES.

AND--AFTER THE AUTHENTIC NEW YORK DELI OPENED UP WITH SPECIAL, REGIONAL CONCESSIONS IT DID PRETTY WELL. APPARENTLY COWBOYS LOVED CORNED BEEF AND BLINTZES. A FEW OF THE NEW YORK BUSINESSMEN EVEN RECOGNIZED GOLDMAN FROM HIS DELI IN NEW YORK. HE LIKED TO TAKE PICTURES OF HIMSELF WITH THEM AND THEN ADD THE PRINTS TO THE WALL. IT SEEMED TO AUTHENTICATE SOME PART OF THE NEW YORKNESS OF THE PLACE.

THE DELI WAS OPENED ACROSS THE STREET FROM COWBOY COFFEE. AND EARNSDALE WAS A SMALL TOWN ANYWAY. SO HOYTE AND GOLDMAN GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER PRETTY WELL, PRETTY QUICKLY. GOLDMAN WOULD BRING EMILY OVER TO HOYTE'S HOUSE OUTSIDE OF EARNSDALE TO WATCH YANKEES GAMES ON HIS BIG TV AND TALK ABOUT NEW YORK THINGS. MINDIE AND EMILY GOT ALONG WELL. THEY SEEMED TO POSSESS A LIMITLESS INTEREST IN COMPARISONS BETWEEN NEW YORK AND ARIZONA: "WELL--ME--I STARTED RIDING HORSES LATE. I MEAN PROBABLY AROUND 9. I WAS A SKINNY LITTLE OLD GIRL THOUGH."

"9? JEEZ. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO RIDE A HORSE BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THE CHANCE. YOU KNOW. WE DONT HAVE TOO MANY HORSES IN NEW YORK. A LOT OF SUBWAYS THOUGH."

"YOU DON'T SAY! I'VE NEVER BEEN ON A TRAIN. O BUT I'D LOVE TO. AND ITS SO CONVENIENT. WHY YOU HARDLY HAVE TO DRIVE ANYWHERE. YOU JUST TAKE THIS THING THAT'S GONNA COME ANYWAY TO WHEREVER YOU PLEASE. THAT SOUNDS ALL RIGHT TO ME. AND I BET YOU MEET ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE." CROSSING HER LEGS: "IS THAT WHERE YOU MET YOUR HUSBAND? THE TRAIN?"

"O JEEZ. YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU MEET ALL SORTS OF PEOPLE....O NO NO--I'VE KNOWN HAROLD FOR YEARS."

"SAY--YOU WANT ME TO TAKE YOU RIDING SOME TIME, EMILY? WOULD YOU LIKE THAT?"

"O DEAR! I'M NOT TOO OLD?" SHE ADJUSTED HER HAIR.

"GOODNESS NO! MY GRANDDAD RODE UNTIL THE HORSES SAW BETTER THAN HE DID. YOU'LL BE GREAT." SO THEY WENT RIDING AND EMILY DID DO ALL RIGHT. SHE LOVED IT. SHE AND MINDIE STARTED RIDING TOGETHER ALL THE TIME. SOMETIMES TWICE IN ONE WEEK.

ONE NIGHT WHEN THEY CAME BACK FROM A YANKEE'S SHUT OUT OF THE ORIELS GOLDMAN TALKED TO EMILY FROM THE MIRROR IN THE BATHROOM. HE SAID: "YOU KNOW WHAT? I LIKE THE HOYTE'S."

EMILY HADN'T HEARD GOLDMAN SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE OTHER THAN THE NEW GIRLS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD IN YEARS. AND SHE AGREED WITH HIM.

THE DELI SEEMED TO GET THE LEAST BUSINESS ON THE FEW DAYS A YEAR WHEN IT RAINED. PEOPLE JUST DIDN'T SEEM INTERESTED IN IT'S CHARM. ALMOST LIKE THEY AVOIDED IT. ONE SUCH DAY A TEENAGER SHOWED UP IN THE DELI WEARING A DRENCHED RAINCOAT AND BOSTON RED SOX CAP--BLOND HAIR BUSTING OUT THE SIDES OF THE HAT. HE TOLD GOLDMAN: "I'LL HAVE A REUBEN AND SOME COFFEE."

"REUBEN OK. WE DON'T SERVE COFFEE. ACROSS THE STREET FOR THAT. COWBOY COFFEE."

"WHAT? WHAT THE HELL KIND OF A DELI DOESN'T HAVE COFFEE?"

"HEY--HEY--YOU GIVIN ME SOME TROUBLE? THIS KIND. A. CROSS. THE. STREET. FOR. COFF. EE." AND THEN MUMBLED WITH HIS BACK TURNED, HANDS OVER THE SANDWICH: "BOSTON BRAT."

"WELL I THINK IT'S PRETTY DAMNED STUPID. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF DELI DOESN'T OFFER COFFEE? DOES ANYONE STAY HERE? ORDER MORE THAN ONE ITEM? YOUR DESSERTS LOOK PRETTY OLD."

GOLDMAN TURNED AROUND SHARPLY: "HEY! YOU GIVIN ME THAT TROUBLE? DON'T GIVE ME THAT TROUBLE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THAT." AND HE THREW THE SANDWICH--WRAPPED TO GO--ON THE COUNTER, COUNTED THE BOY'S MONEY LOUDLY AND THEN SAID: "OK. THANK YOU FOR YOUR BUSINESS. COME BACK SOME TIME." AND SHOOED HIM OUT. THEN HE LOOKED AT THE RAIN FOR AWHILE. COMING DOWN LIKE A REGULAR SHEET AND THEN BACK AT THE DELI. EMPTY. DESERTED. HE SEEMED TO THINK LOUDLY: "WHY THE HELL DO WE HAVE ALL THESE SEATS IF NO ONE STAYS!" AND IT WAS TRUE. THE DESSERTS WERE PRETTY OLD. SOME WE WERE WEEKS OLD EVEN. HE GOT TO THINKING. THE ONLY REASON HE DIDN'T OFFER COFFEE ORIGINALLY WAS BECAUSE THOSE MACHINES ARE EXPENSIVE. AND IT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE--WHY SERVE COFFEE WITH A CAFE JUST ACROSS THE STREET? AND THEN IT BECAME OUT OF LOYALTY TOWARD THE HOYTES. COFFEE WAS HOYTE'S THING. HE'S FRIEND. HIS FRIEND WITH THE CAFE. BUT HE GOT TO THINKING THAT HOYTE'S THING WAS REALLY THE INTERNET. THE WIRELESS INTERNET. THE COFFEE WAS JUST LIKE A FRONT FOR THE INTERNET. IT WASN'T LIKE HE TOOK PRIDE IN THE COFFEE, REALLY. HE ALWAYS TOOK PRIDE IN THE WIRELESS INTERNET. THERE WAS MORE SIGNAGE ABOUT THE WIRELESS INTERNET IN THE PLACE THAN THE DAMN COFFEE. THERE WAS EVEN A BIG LED LIGHT DISPLAY ADVERTISING IT.

GOLDMAN WAS THINKING THAT HE COULD MAYBE BOLSTER HIS BUSINESS WITH THE COFFEE. EVENTUALLY THE COFFEE MIGHT MAKE IT SO HE AND EMILY COULD MOVE OUT FROM ABOVE THE DELI AND GET A HOUSE CLOSE TO THE HOYTES. MAYBE EVEN GET EMILY A HORSE SO SHE COULD RIDE OVER TO MINDIE INSTEAD OF ALWAYS HAVING TO BORROW ONE OF HER HORSES. IT WOULDN'T TAKE ANY BUSINESS AWAY FROM HOYTE. IT WOULD JUST BOLSTER HIS OWN BUSINESS. THEY WOULD JUST STAY FOR LONGER AND BUY MORE FROM HIM. NOT LESS FROM HOYTE.

SO HE MADE HOYTE A CORNED BEEF SPECIAL WITH SWISS AND EXTRA LEAN CORNED BEEF LIKE HOYTE NEEDED FOR HIS HEART. REALLY SCULPTED THE SANDWICH. CUT THE CORNED BEEF AS THIN AS POSSIBLE AND WRAPPED IT IN FOUR LAYERS OF WAX PAPER. THEN HE GOT A DR. BROWN'S CREAM SODA AND SOME OLD BAY CHIPS AND WALKED ACROSS THE STREET TO COWBOY COFFEE.

SOMEONE HAD TURNED ON STICKY FINGERS AT A LOW VOLUME AND THE HUM OF BUSINESS TALK SLID AROUND THE TAPPING OF KEYS. SOMETHING ABOUT THE PLACE MADE GOLDMAN UNCOMFORTABLE. HE KNEW MOST OF THE PEOPLE BUT PRETENDED NOT TO AND MADE A LINE STRAIGHT FOR HOYTE'S OFFICE.

HOYTE WAS TYPING AT HIS COMPUTER WHEN GOLDMAN STEPPED IN.

"GOLDMAN BUDDY! GREAT TO SEE YOU BROTHER. HOW ARE YOU?"

"YEAH. YOU KNOW, LIKEWISE. AHH--GOOD. I BROUGHT YOU SOME FOOD."

"O MAN. STARVED. I AM JUST STARVED. COME ON SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN." GOLDMAN HANDED HIM THE BROWN BAG. HE PEERED INSIDE: "THIS. THIS LOOKS REALLY SPECIAL."

"YEAH. HEY I DON'T WANT TO BOTHER YOU. YOU WERE TYPING. I WAS WONDERING IF I MIGHT BORROW A COMPUTER AND USE THE INTERNET HERE. YOU KNOW. USE THE INTERNET. DRINK SOME COFFEE."

"YEAH--YEAH. SURE THING, GOLDMAN. MY INTERNET IS YOUR INTERNET. JUST TELL JANE TO GIVE YOU YOUR FAVORITE. HERE TAKE THIS." HOYTE REACHED INTO HIS DESK HOLDING A NAPKIN IN THE OTHER HAND AND GAVE GOLDMAN A WHITE MACBOOK. "I'M TELLING YOU BROTHER. YOU'VE GOTTA GET A COMPUTER. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU DO ALL THIS WITHOUT ONE." HIS GOATEE BOBBED WITH A LITTLE SLAW.

GOLDMAN CHUCKLED. "HAH. WELL--ALWAYS HAVE, YOU KNOW."

HE ORDERED A BLACK COFFEE FROM WHO HE FIGURED TO BE JANE AND WAITED FOR A FREE TABLE. SITTING DOWN HE OPENED THE LAPTOP THEN HE CLICKED ON THE BLUE E AND WENT TO "www.google.com" AND TYPED "coffee machine" AND PURCHASED THE FIRST ONE WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING THE PRICE.

WHEN IT ARRIVED HE LOOKED AT THE PARCEL FOR A LONG TIME. EMILY WALKED INTO THE OFFICE IN THE BACK OF THE DELI.

"WHAT'S IN THAT BOX THAT'S SO BIG?"

"IT'S A COFFEE MACHINE." SHE JUST LOOKED AT HIM AND THEN WALKED AWAY DOWN THE KITCHEN SHAKING HER HEAD AND MUMBLING SOMETHING ABOUT ERIC.

AT FIRST HE DIDN'T TELL ANYBODY THAT HE HAD A COFFEE MACHINE. AND HE DIDN'T DISPLAY IT EITHER. HE WOULD WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE ASKED HIM FOR COFFEE. IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS GOING TO UPDATE THE MENU. THAT WOULD BE TRULY RIDICULOUS. AND EXPENSIVE. JUST WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE ASKS. IT WAS KIND OF A RELIEF THE WHOLE DAY THAT NO ONE INQUIRED ABOUT COFFEE AND THEN AT 7:30 A COUPLE AROUND THE GOLDMAN'S AGE CAME INTO THE DELI LAUGHING.

THE MAN SAID WITH A THICK NEW ENGLAND ACCENT: "AY I'LL HAVE A CAFFY AND AHH--A PIECE OF THIS CAKE. PLEASE." HE LOOKED AT HIS WIFE. "AY AHH--BETTAH MAKE THAT TWO."

GOLDMAN CUT THE PIECES OF APPLE CAKE VERY SLOWLY AND THEN POURED THE COFFEE VERY SLOWLY AND WALKED IT OVER TO THE TABLE BY THE WINDOW WHERE THE NEW ENGLANDER'S SAT. HE WASN'T SHAKING THOUGH HE FELT LIKE HE COULD START DOING SO AT ANY MOMENT.

"CAKE. AND COFFEE. ENJOY."

HE WALKED BEHIND THE COUNTER AND PRETENDED TO BUSY HIS HANDS WHILE THE COUPLE ATE AND DRANK BUT REALLY HE JUST WATCHED THEM. THEY WERE GIGGLING. AND WHEN THEY SIGHED THERE WAS HOPE IN IT. THEY SEEMED ENERGETIC AND READY. THEN THE MAN LOOKED AT GOLDMAN WHO QUICKLY ADVERTED HIS EYES. "AY--YOU AHH--GIVE REFILLS ON THE JOE?"

GOLDMAN SAID "YES! YES WE DO" WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. AND THEN WALKED OVER AND REFILLED THEIR COFFEE WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT AND THEN WALKED OVER BEHIND THE COUNTER AGAIN AND STARTED THINKING ABOUT IT. HE THOUGHT: "WELL--WHY NOT? I DON'T MAKE ANYTHING ON THE COFFEE ANYWAY. IT'S THE DESSERTS. THEY'LL STAY LONGER AND BUY MORE STUFF. WHY NOT?" THEN THE WOMAN CALLED TO GOLDMAN: "DO YOU THINK I COULD GET A SLICE OF THAT CAKE TO GO, DEEH?"

GOLDMAN FELL ASLEEP THAT NIGHT HAPPILY. HIS PLAN SEEMED TO WORK. THE COFFEE WAS OK. THE BUSINESS WAS OK.

THINGS WENT ALONG LIKE THAT FOR A WHILE. GOLDMAN WAS DOING FINE. PEOPLE STARTED ENJOYING HIS DESSERTS. THEY WERE SO POPULAR THAT HE HAD TO GET EMILY INVOLVED. SHE BEGAN TO BAKE EXTRA DESSERTS FOR WHEN THEY RAN OUT BEFORE THEIR BAKERY COULD RESTOCK THEM. AND THOSE WERE SO POPULAR THAT EVENTUALLY THEY STOPPED BUYING THEIR DESSERTS FROM THE BAKERY ALL TOGETHER AND EMILY STARTED MAKING ALL OF THEM. THEY WERE DAMN FINE. PEOPLE WERE STAYING IN THE DELI ALL NIGHT. SOMETIMES GOLDMAN HAD TO STAY OPEN UNTIL 12 O'CLOCK.

AND THEN APRIL HAPPENED. AND THE YANKEES CAME UP FROM FLORIDA AND STARTED TO REAR THEIR UGLY HEADS. GOLDMAN GOT A CALL FROM HOYTE WHO WAS ACROSS THE STREET: "HEY GOLDMAN, HOW ARE YOU BROTHER?"

"O--I'M FINE. HOW'S THE COFFEE?" HE INSTANTLY REGRETTED ASKING THAT.

"THE COFFEE? O YOU KNOW. THE COFFEE'S FINE. HEY YOU KNOW WHAT'S OVER RIGHT? AND WHAT'S JUST ABOUT TO BEGIN? WHY DON'T YOU AND EMILY COME OVER TO THE HOUSE TO WATCH THE OPENER? IT'S AGAINST THE SOX--THOSE BASTARDS. SHOULD BE GOOD."

"O--YEAH. YEAH. THE OPENER. YEAH. YEAH. WE'LL--AHH. YES. YEAH. WE WILL BE OVER FOR THAT."

"OK. YEAH. OK THAT SOUNDS GOOD. THURSDAY?"

"THURSDAY. YEAH."

"ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU THEN! TAKE CARE."

TWO CUSTOMERS CAME IN AND GOLDMAN KNEW WHAT THEY WANTED RIGHT AWAY. HE'D SEEN THEM A FEW TIMES. THE APPLE CAKE AND THE COFFEE.

GOLDMAN AND EMILY DROVE OUT THE HOYTE'S ON THURSDAY. EMILY TALKED THE WHOLE RIDE ABOUT BAKER'S GEOMETRY AND HOW SHOULD COULD DO IT IN HER HEAD NOW. GOLDMAN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT BUT HE DIDN'T ASK HER ABOUT IT. THE WHOLE TIME HE WAS THINKING: "O GOD. WHY DID YOU WEAR A TIE? THIS THING IS SO TIGHT IT'S MAKING ME SWEAT DAMMIT. O BROTHER."

THEY ARRIVED AT THE THREE STORY HOUSE WITH THE HILL IN THE YARD AND THREE CARS AND GOT OUT WITH THE WINE. GOLDMAN RANG THE BELL AND ADJUSTED HIS TIE. HOYTE OPENED THE DOOR WEARING A GRAND CANYON T-SHIRT AND AN ADJUSTABLE YANKEE'S HAT. "GOLDMAN! EMILY! IT'S BEEN AGES. COME IN."

FROM THE KITCHEN MINDIE CALLED: "IS THAT THE GOLDMAN'S! O EMILY, DEAR, COME HERE. IT'S BEEN AGES." EMILY PASSED THE BOTTLE TO GOLDMAN AND SCOOTED SILENTLY TOWARD THE KITCHEN. HOYTE CLOSED THE DOOR AND ASKED IN A WHISPER, CRANING HIS NECK: "HEY GOLDMAN. WHAT'S WITH THE TIE?"

THEY WATCHED THE GAME ON THE BIG TV SITTING ON THE DARK BLUE COUCH THAT SEEMED TO SWALLOW THEM. IT'S HUNGER MADE GOLDMAN'S TIE SEEM EVEN MORE RIDICULOUS. AFTER THE YANKEE'S LOST THEY SAT DOWN TO DINNER. BEEFSTEAKS WITH SCALLOPED POTATOES AND SALAD. LOCAL RED WINE. MINDIE ASKED ACROSS THE TABLE: "SO EMILY. WE HAVEN'T BEEN RIDING IN SO LONG. WHY IS THAT? YOU HAVEN'T GOT A NEW PARTNER HAVE YOU? I MIGHT GET JEALOUS." IT WASN'T STRICTLY A JOKE.

"O. JEEZ. WELL IVE BEEN SO BUSY AT THE DELI. YOU KNOW ALL THE DESSERTS AND EVERYTHING. IT'S REALLY BEEN TAKING UP MY TIME." GOLDMAN NEARLY HURLED HIS BODY ACROSS THE TABLE, OUT THE WINDOW, OVER THE HILLS AND INTO THE COLORADO. BUT REALLY HE JUST SAT THERE WITH THE TIE.

"DESSERTS?" MINDIE ASKED. "WELL I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE MAKING DESSERTS FOR THE DELI. THAT SOUNDS GREAT! I'D LOVE TO TRY THEM. I BET THEIR JUST GREAT."

HOYTE SPOKE, EXTENDING HIS HAND FOR MINDIE'S: "I WOULD LOVE TO TRY THEM TOO. I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE MAKING DESSERTS EITHER. WE'LL STOP BY THE DELI TOMORROW AND TRY THEM. TOGETHER." AND HIS GOATEE DID THE SAME SMILE.

THAT NIGHT GOLDMAN COULDN'T SLEEP. HE JUST TOSSED AND TURNED. EMILY ROLLED OVER: "HAROLD. WHAT'S WRONG? WHY CAN'T YOU SLEEP?"

"IT'S THOSE DAMMED--RED SOX. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE LOST TODAY!" THERE WAS VIOLENCE IN HIS VOICE.

"HAROLD HAROLD, DARLING. CALM DOWN. THERE'S A HUNDRED SIXTY MORE GAMES. GO TO BED, DEAR."

BUT HE COULDN'T SLEEP. HE WAS DOG TIRED THE NEXT DAY AT THE DELI. BUT HE COULDN'T GET HIMSELF TO DRINK THE COFFEE EITHER. HE MUST HAVE BROKE 5 DISHES AND BURNT TWO BATCHES OF FRIES BY 3 O'CLOCK.

3 O'CLOCK, DEAD TIME. NO ONE EVER IN THE DELI THEN. BUT THE DOOR CHIMED AND THERE WAS HOYTE AND MINDIE, HAND IN HAND, SMILING.

"HEY THERE GOLDMAN. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?"

"O--O--YOU KNOW. WELL...I AM VERY WELL."

"WHERE'S EMILY?"

EMILY CALLED FROM THE KITCHEN, WHERE THE OVENS WERE: "IS THAT THE HOYTES? MINDIE COME ON BACK OVER HERE. I WANT TO SHOW YOU THIS." MINDIE GAVE THEM A KNOWING SMILE AND THEN WALKED TO THE KITCHEN.

"SO--EMILY. QUITE THE BAKER?"

"AHH--WELL--YOU KNOW. SHE LIKES IT. IT WAS HER IDEA. YOU KNOW. SOMETHING TO DO DURING THE DAYS AND WHATNOT. YOU KNOW."

"YEAH--WELL--I'M EXCITED NONETHELESS. HEY GOLDMAN--I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU." GOLDMAN FELT ALL TIGHT INSIDE.

"YES?'

"HEY--ARE YOU DOING ALL RIGHT. YOU SEEM. I DON'T KNOW. TENSE. EVEN FOR YOU."

"O--WELL--YOU KNOW THE YANKS AREN'T HELPING ANY."

"RIGHT. HM. WELL. YOU KNOW--JUST LET ME KNOW IF I CAN HELP."

"LOOK WHAT WE HAVE HERE!" MINDIE CALLED OUT, HELPING EMILY CARRY A LARGE PLATE OF CINNAMON RAISIN MANDELBREAD. HOYTE SMILED AND GOLDMAN TURNED AROUND AND THEN HEARD THE DOOR CHIME OPEN. HE TURNED TO SEE TWO NEW ENGLANDERS COMING INTO THE DELI WITH EXPECTANT FEATURES. HE SAID "O NO" OUT LOUD AND FELT HIS THROAT SEIZE UP AND THEN A PRESSURE IN THE TOP OF HIS SKULL AND THEN SOMETHING LIKE A BLACK LIGHT AND THEN HEARD A CRASH AND TOTAL BLACK.

EMILY WAS YELLING. THE NEW ENGLAND MAN WAS STANDING OVER GOLDMAN: "ALL RIGHT STAND BACK. IT'S HIS HAHT--I KNOW WHAT I'M DOIN EHR." AND LOWERED HIS FACE, PINCHING GOLDMAN'S NOSE, PRESSING HIS MOUTH ON GOLDMAN'S MOUTH, BREATHING IN VERY HARD. GOLDMAN'S EYE'S BULGED AND HE GRABBED AT HIS THROAT.

HOYTE GRABBED THE MAN'S SHOULDERS. "IT'S NOT HIS HEART, YOU IDIOT! IT'S HIS ASTHMA. EMILY--WHERE'S HIS INHALER!"

"O JEEZ! I DON'T KNOW. HE NEVER KEEPS IT!"

"DO YOU HAVE ANY DRINKS WITH A LOT OF CAFFEINE. REDBULL? TEA? COFFEE?"

"O! YES! WE HAVE COFFEE! I'LL GET THE COFFEE! O NO!" SHE RAN TO WHERE THE COFFEE MACHINE WAS HIDDEN BENEATH THE COUNTER AND GRABBED THE WHOLE POT. SHE RAN WITH IT, SPILLING IT--SCALDING AND BLACK ALL OVER THE FLOOR. THEN CROUCHED DOWN AND WAS ABOUT TO SIMPLY THROW IT ON GOLDMAN'S FACE WHEN MINDIE GRABBED HER SHOULDER'S AND PRESENTED A BOWL OF ICE.

"HERE. LET ME POUR IT IN HERE." MINDIE GRABBED THE POT AND POURED THE REST INTO THE BOWL AND HELD IT TO GOLDMAN'S MOUTH. "DRINK THIS. SLOWLY. THE CAFFEINE WILL RELAX YOUR LUNGS." HE TOOK BIG GULPS THOUGH. IT RAINED DOWN HIS WHITE APRON LIKE MOTOR OIL. AND EVENTUALLY HE COULD BREATHE AGAIN.

GOLDMAN LAY ON THE FLOOR WITH HIS LEGS AND ARMS SPLAYED OUT, HEAD ON THE GROUND LOOKING AT THE CEILING FAN WAVE AT HIM. "HERE" MINDIE SAID "BEND YOUR KNEES VERTICALLY. UPWARD. IT'LL HELP YOU BREATHE SOME." AND HE DID IT. AND IT DID.

"HOYTE." HE MUMBLED. "HOYTE. I'M SORRY."

HOYTE BENT DOWN QUICKLY ON A KNEE. "WHAT'S THAT BROTHER?"

"I SAID, I SAID: 'HOYTE. I'M SORRY.' THE COFFEE. I NEVER SHOULD HAVE WITH THE COFFEE."

"GOLDMAN. YOU NEEDED THE COFFEE. YOU'D BE DEAD OTHERWISE. JUST BREATHE. YOU'RE OKAY NOW."

"NO--HOYTE. YOU DON'T GET IT. THE COFFEE. I SELL COFFEE. I'M SORRY."

"WELL--WHAT DO YOU MEAN? YOU OWN A DELI. OF COURSE YOU SELL COFFEE. WHO THE HELL EVER HEARD OF A DELI THAT DOESN'T SELL COFFEE?"

BUT GOLDMAN HAD PASSED OUT WITH THE COFFEE MESS ALL AROUND HIM. THE WEIGHT WAS GONE AND THE DESERT AIR DRY.

--JULY2X11--

2011-11-19T02:58:00.000-05:00

first gaia
i chewed my lips
until there was blood
on my cigarette butts
looking like lipstick

I know I will look back
I know I will look back.

through total darkness,

like my friend Silence closing
his eyes, trying so hard not to

be there, not to be in the future,
not to dwell on the past a little,

he closed his eyes so tightly.
that was when I knew he

and I would soon become friends.

because no matter how hard we
closed our eyes our lives were still
there and we couldn't dream it away

***** *** **** *** *** ***

eHow

2011-11-16T00:06:00.000-05:00

-

parsha

glow stick lollipop
lollipop butterfly
butterfly pasta

=

one dollar bill

2011-11-13T06:39:00.000-05:00

* * * * * ********

canned

if I had a friend we could be

good cop and bad cop

I don't mean to cut my friends off

in the middle of their sentences

then tell stories without a real end.

I am just used to people talking over

me whenever I try to talk over them.

I would like to blame it on that

people are nice where I am from,

but aggressive in speaking.

another thing I do,

I give out advice and don't remember

what I said, but now and then they listen

Then I say, oh shit, I said that?

What else did I say?

most people only ask advice when they

know what they know what is coming so

it reassures them . I've been there, so can you.

"maybe i'm not going crazy"

we half say and half sing, on the walk home,

"maybe we all feel this way."

like watching Bats in the sunset

its light out but their eyes are shut

because they don't need them

bats eyes are perfectly functional

and really not bad at all said an

expert at the museum of ornithology

at VINS wildlife reserve in Quechee

it took us forever to build radars

and they can echolocate

So,

when bats become highly evolved

will they read or have scrolling sonar

imprints of letters in words, or symbols?

Could that be done with a 3D printer?

Or will they just settle down and open

their eyes to what is really going on,

ordinary peoples' problems sometimes

stop them from seeing anything at all.

Are they surrounded and can't see out?

I like watching what people do

especially when they change

directions midway through walking

they always point in the direction

they have turned around to walk in

exactly where they came from

they just, forgot something?

** *********

2011-11-10T22:20:00.003-05:00

shirley temples
the kids are out catching fireflies

when are we most scared of the
things that we have seen in life?

you want an old fashioned?

The pile of leaves my husband
had raked in a pile to burn was

still there, and so I flew into it
and rolled around with the bugs

falling into my shirt and my mouth

it was worms who tasted
like a bloody mary on celery

Sam Z. is nine months and a few days
pregnant and ready to burst at the seams

sleeping on a couch, feeling like gram god

smoke's architect,

the windows steamed from all the
drunk kids screams downstairs

july 4th is the day my
sweetheart was born

an old lady at the palmer lounge

told me that old fashioneds were
the first drink to be called a cocktail

whatever that means

I worked for a while as a valet parker
and then got fired from bartending

for the reason most people do

melt a sugar cube with drops of water,

& a splash of bitters while the bourbon
layers at the bottom and a cherry,

one of the red ones in the sugar jar

gets smashed to shit in another glass
and then thrown in a tall frosted one

we had people over for a dinner party
I checked the ham in the oven with the girls

the men sat around the table drinking

pimentos reminded me of brains

although I set a place for myself

in a clothes-strewn closet with
a black lockbox in one corner

gelatin is made out of hooves

cigars are made out of leaves

getting a huge pile of jello or aspic
together and hitting it with a hammer

seeing shards of gelatin

reminded me of dissections

not surgery, not self-mutilation,

I could never forget dissections
it's ritual like getting your wisdom
teeth removed or a chess game

both require a market, discipline,

someone who is the only christian
that they trust behind the wheel of
a car or the throttle of an airplane

my hair was pinned up and I walked
into the backyard shoeless hoping

for the grass to tickle my feet

but they were too cold and the
grass was already wet with dew

everyone had weird names
at the dinner party, not hippy

names, its the name's

trail slime

I try to think about what life was like before
but I don't remember, the time would then

be totally blank

not absent, but blank like drunk
eyes that just aren't recording.

I was outside of my body, last night
when sometimes I think I lost myself

but not in the bad way,

not from cheap or weird vodka

finally communing with nature
floating like a graveyard in the clouds

nothing like childbirth in the movies

in assigning , new york,

she's standing on the moon and crying
until a drop hits the sun and puts it out

"..."

the brady bunch
he has nowhere to go
so he drives around

he has nowhere to go
so he drives around

*************

2011-10-28T16:55:00.002-04:00

byzantine
my shrine is a grail
that always thirsts

samhain trap house
everyone was in here earlier
drinking gin out of a glass

juice bottle with the
label peeled off.

its when the bridge
between the spirit

world and our world

is opened every year.

i got stripes
i have stripes
like a tiger

or a lieutenant

or a zebra

or a candy cane

early testament
you have to believe in something
the birds chirped as he woke

you have to believe in something

to say the thug's prayer

you must believe in the vanishing
point having a white light, instead

of just falling headfirst into the abyss

i used to run this whole thing

now i have no control

there is no such thing

as coincidence

i get it, errrrrr

throw a deuce in the air
for dubs and pablo
throw a deuce in the air

95 COCA BABY
95 COCA BABY
95 COCA BABY
95 COCA BABY
95 COCA BABY
95 COCA BABY

RIP ANTHONY GAINES

catch wreck

2011-10-28T02:10:00.004-04:00

clubs
while my friends went to a
house that had no rules,

I don't know what I did,

other than playing the
week or waiting game.

beer run
I might walk
south to the
mobil,

actually I
will be so

I watching tv

and drink

medicinal

vampires
all of those

just draw

on the blood of
the cliffs and the
southern bluff

like coke
putting down
my beer

picking up the cans
that you tear apart

companions

where did he go

when is he coming home

the world has a soul

every living thing
is connected

people do change

blindfolded, walking
into the ocean at night

it's not the people

he's a doe

she an actress

judy
if i wished to trip on
acid one last time

it would be with the
director John Ford

clubs II
i often went to a house
that had no rules because

the father was dead and
the mother was drinking

herself there

rye
I moved away from town-town

fell at the sun contentedly,

or he and I were in a band once
in the shape of a genie's head

all the sleep a rainbow gourd
in the shape of a genie's head

there was only one bottle left,

it was a bottle of rye.

i don't like to think about people.

some of them are too much like

characters from that 70s show-

cnsd
chicken resting
on the last of the
dogwood chair

******* ********* ***********

OR THE TALKING

2011-10-26T18:18:00.005-04:00

FREEDOM OF CHOICE

SOMETIMES THE HOUSE IS ORANGE AND THE SHADOW PARTS GET PURPLE FROM IT. IN THE TOP FLOOR THERES A SMALL ROOM. THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD LOOKS ERODED OR SOMETHING. ITS HILLY. THE THREE STORY HOUSES WITH PITCHED ROOFS AND ALUMINUM SIDING WITHOUT PORCHES. VARIOUS CATS SCURRY AROUND AND THERES A BRAZILIAN BAR DOWN THE STREET. I WAS IN THE SMALL ROOM WITH THE LIGHT ON HAVING A CONVERSATION. THERE WAS NO ONE ELSE THERE AND I HAD BEEN DRINKING. THE CONVERSATION WAS A REHEARSAL. I FIGURED THAT I COULD MAKE THE OUTCOME PAINLESS IF I JUST CONFIGURED THE PRECISE FORM OF MY DISAPPOINTMENT BEFOREHAND. IT WAS LIKE TRYING TO HIT A NAIL IN THE DARK OR CHASE A DOG THROUGH THE YARD WITH YOUR PANTS AT YOUR ANKLES. SPEAKING PUT THE WORDS IN THE ROOM BUT THE PHONE WOULDNT RING. AND BY THE TIME I GOT TO THE REAL CONVERSATION MY REHEARSAL MADE IT ALL STILTED AND IMMATURE. I COULDNT EAT FOR A WHILE SO I CHAIN SMOKED IN BLACK LONG JOHNS BY THE WINDOW AND AVOIDED THE INTERNET LIKE THAT WAS A COGENT FORM OF COMMUNICATION.

EVER GET SICK FROM A CALENDER

IF THE HOTEL WAS A PRISON THEN THE PARKING LOT WAS THE DAYROOM. YOU COULD HEAR EACH OTHER THROUGH THE WALLS OR THE HVAC SYSTEM. THIS ONE GUY HAD BEEN THERE FOR TOO LONG. HE GOT SO FED UP WITH MAIL THAT HE WENT TO THE HOTEL AND STAYED THERE. HIS TENURE WAS INDEFINITE TO EVERYONE INCLUDING HIMSELF AND MOSTLY HE LOOKED AT THE PARKING LOT WHEN HE COULDNT DEAL WITH THE CABLE ANYMORE. HE HAD SEEN A LOT OF THINGS LOOKING AT THE PARKING LOT THAT FELT OUT OF THE ORDINARY BECAUSE HE HAD NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE. PEOPLE VOMITING IN UNISON. A SAME-SEX PROPOSAL. KIDS PLAYING BILINGUAL DUCK DUCK GOOSE. WHAT GREEN NEON LOOKS LIKE ON SNOW. AND THEN IT ALL STARTED TO BE REGULAR AND HE WASNT BORED BUT HE WANTED TO BE TIRED.

Sarah

2011-10-24T23:56:00.002-04:00

Sarah's back ached. She looked around her living room and got a headache from the sound made by everything that was plugged-in. The smell of old garbage filled the kitchen behind her. Slowly her leg started to grow back, so slow, like a starfish.

THE HOLE

2011-10-10T21:41:00.011-04:00

CIVIL HORSE

THIS HORSE IS BEAUTIFUL. WHEN IT GALLOPS ITS LEGS TURN INTO RIBBONS AND ITS EYES LOOK THE SAME. ID TAKE THIS HORSE DOWN TO A LAKE. AND THE LAKE WOULD BE WHITE UNDERNEATH THE MOON. THERE WOULDNT BE ANY LEAVES ON THE SHRUBBERY AND THE HORSES BREATH AND MY BREATH WOULD COALESCE WHEN WE LOOKED AT THE ICE COVERING THE BRANCHES TOGETHER. ID REMOVE MY BILLFOLD AND FEED IT TO THE HORSE WHO WOULD SPIT IT OUT. AND THEN ID TAKE MY HAT AND FILL IT WITH WATER AND LET THE HORSE DRINK THE WATER AS I COUNTED THE CARS THAT GO BY IN MY MIND AND QUANTIFY THE FEELING LEAVING MY HANDS.

DO YOU KNOW THAT I YELL IN MY CAR?

ALMOST EVERY TIME I DRIVE I YELL

SOMETIMES THERES A COMMERCIAL ON

I THINK ABOUT YOU BITING A SANDWICH

OR DRAWING A PENTAGRAM AGAIN

OR OPENING A SAMSUNG TO EVALUATE A TEXT

AND HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YER FACE LOOKS LIKE

WHEN YOU START THINKING ABOUT ME

LIKE THATS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS

TODAY

I SEE SOMEONE ELSE EVERYDAY.

2011-10-09T11:31:00.004-04:00

untitled (double dutch)

when there were only two states

in that midwestern car

the two states, they crashed.

untitled (double dutch II)

all i see is a room that

literally smells like

saltine crackers

six bottles of modelo, bottle of andre, bottle of e&j xo

i miss my brother while i am

drinking beer in at the funeral of gangsters

unless he is there with me,

camera operator

cameras are so beautiful

twenty dollar bill phantom

on the mood again

when I am on the mood, I lemon.

I dream in a lemon world where

everyone is up against their dad

some days, everyone is fighting

the guy in the tent smoking cigars

who is responsible for booking the

titty shows for the occupying troops

except for the occupying troops

who miss seeing women

and so like charles manson before him he

built a half-army, half-coven, in his name

and speaking of

amanda...

*** **** *** ****

When I was a sandy

2011-10-09T03:57:00.000-04:00

When I was a sandy, I had to go to sunshine meetings every other Thursday to drink apple juice and have anger. I drove there in my white car with black windows and saw my favrit tree there it was a willow the kind that falls just so like spagetti. Then when I saw that little black bird on the ground I picked it up and squished it so there was sweat. Inside the church we played ball and sat in a circle. At the sunshine meetings we were all involved and danny the man and the other man john would tell us to shut up and drink soda. We played ball in the church and drank soda.
When I was a sandy, we went to go to outside when I peed on the stairs. We went to outside to run, its next to the trees and the streetcones. Then a sunlight came and at the sunshine meetings dave and jack told us to pick up our garbage. We ran to outside to hide and then play what was not something we found it on the bench he gave us what that is. Sweaty on the inside, my hands and fists. We each got five pills that day when he told us to shut up.
WHen I was a sandy, I lived with mom in a big bed that was mom and dads bed. Just under the bed there was a drawer. UNder the drawer there was where I put that dead little thing when I found it outside. It smelled like that and then I had to pee.

Coming up roses

2011-10-06T01:00:00.002-04:00

All the time

the thunder that claps

is me, in the tundra

collecting flowers

look at the sky,

and the red wine

and the cigarette

and the toil of you

the time spent caressing

unknown woes in the brain

the heavenly taste

of speed mixed with work

the way a book gets finished

or a know untied

in your mind

these are all things that happen

both in the city and the open field

look, whatever you need

is nothing, all you need is

fresh water, bread, and a good friend:

a lover.

And what are we?

we talk so much,

we believe close to the same things

when I think about you alone in an elavator

or alone cooking food

I could almost cry,

when I think about your past

unhappy at times, in a relationship

or alone, I want to throw up

these are things I deal with though

and they don't come often

because in my own life

I've been alone going up stairs

at 2AM, I've pissed in public bathrooms

without touching a thing and nobody

to joke about the situation with,

I've wanted to leave a person

and everything they mean

but never really had a reason in mind

until now.

So consistently I cleanse myself

by providing a reason

and this provision comes easily

because it's all of these actions

knowing they are followed in suit

in care and in kind, noticed,

both unwittingly and attentively.

So when I pour milk in your coffee

when I look up in the morning

when I watch you cook or when

I get out of the car, when I breathe deeply,

when you feel sick, when I cut my foot

when I send business emails,

when you buy food, when we sign checks,

when I unlock a door, it's for two.

2011-09-30T21:11:00.007-04:00

WHEN I GO TO MY ROOM

(click^for^candy)

"NOTANOTHERWORDNOTANOTHERWORDNOTANOTHERWORD"

DFW 2008

2011-09-28T16:01:00.012-04:00

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
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******************************

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

black veil
now that the black veil is lifted

strike
banshees no i cant

did you move to st. petersburg

i can't remember that day

did you drive to michigan

the first edition of dracula
i threw a fist at my uncle to get him out of the door

by the next morning a total stranger punched me

in the face because I called him a faggot

i let him hit me in the face so I could laugh,

i unlocked the car so he could get to me,

so i could tell everyone that he punched
like a faggot too, because he did,

but more than that-

I have

born and died a few too many times

with my little sister's boyfriend asking me

if he wanted me to call the cops, because
he got the plates, and i said, no, no, no,

either I had it coming or that man does,

but fate means that its inexorably both

I loved my uncle more than anything

and I had to fight him to get out of the house

because he kept saying the truth, which was
that my mom's house wasn't my house anymore

and I couldn't kick him out unless I fucked him up

the first person in the summer
who told me I was going to end
dead, in prison, or a hospital

was a nurse named felicia

i told her to go fuck herself and she left

when i was transferred rooms

I ran out of the psych ward when
they left the door unlocked, and I

got in an elevator

to the ER, and followed a gurney
with a motorcycle accident victim

on it

and ran out through the ambulance bay

my uncle was the last in a long chain of
people in the summer of twenty eleven

who told me I was going to end

up dead, in prison, or the hospital.

He tried calling the cops on me and I told
him I would kill myself on principle long

before they could ever get there

because it wasn't going to play like that

and thats when he started screaming that
he wanted me to punch him in the face

and I laughed and told him to punch me
in the face, and he turned the offer down.

but the last time I saw him was at the front door,

me trying to lock it, him trying to get it too open
for me to be able to lock it, until I opened the door

just wide enough to smack him in the face and
when he drunkenly swung back I slammed the

door on his arm, pushed him back on the part
of his arm i had just slammed, and locked it

I spent the whole summer
surrounded by the smell

of death

and then my mom found

a man who could take care of her

someone else to buy her food

and listen to her cry all night.

and

my brother found love-

i know its going to all get easier

because it already is

a little bit more every day

b,

all I have is the ability to laugh,

the ability to laugh

the day after,
my whole town was destroyed

by the hurricane.

I walked around in the pouring
rain crying and laughing

tearing down police tape

and watching trees float by

** ** ****************** *******

**

2011-09-25T19:18:00.001-04:00

Bed

2011-09-24T20:04:00.002-04:00

In the morning, Auntie moved from night bed to day bed. It had been like this for almost three years. When they leave, she thought, I will go out into the light.

All the days before her sat on her windowsill, having become little insects and birds. They chewed away at the wood they perched on. They slipped through it. They'd whisper to her. They frightened her.

Memory failed Auntie. As daylight became night, she could only think of dark fruit slowly being added to a blender. Electric appliances. Food.

Something about next morning would/would not be the same.

Sunday Poem #5

2011-09-23T02:25:00.002-04:00

Sunday Poem #5

packing today everything got real

for a second I lost any sense of value

I threw away most everything that once

may have meant something to me

time and material, I was like the sky

holding on to rain, then I just let it all go.

I picture you doing the same thing

15 minutes away, I picture you there

in space, moving about the room

listening to music, changing your clothes

deciding on photographs, what I'll see

what I won't, what pants I'll never see you wear

We occupy the same water

we dip, we look at each other.

I understand how far we've had to come now

and I'm a little lucky, but mostly I believe

you must believe too, it's true.

I started to read philosophy again for ten minutes,

I wanted to see where it stood to me now and

it too was like rain, I don't need to see the outlines

of other peoples hands, social needs and ubiquitous concern

I'm really only concerned with the way the land lies

and your life line.

Every night I hold you tight

every morning I kiss your eyes

I read today that paleontologists now think that

the second brain commonly believed to be in a stegosaurus' tail

was just an enlargement in the base of the spine

I'm at the base of your spine

every morning, every night.

like god

2011-09-18T22:01:00.003-04:00

sunday poem #4

I would have waited a lifetime

to approach this place

and I swallow sun like god

every morning the way I kiss you

in praise, the sunlight and warmth

on the grass I think about death

I reach epiphany coupled with care

I hold your bones and spread wishes

all over you, under your skin, into your marrow

these days and the ones to follow

prop me up as a cloud floats

I believe every blink of your eye

to be the millisecond I deserver

the taste of your tears and the rambling

twitches of corporeal fulfillment

we inhabit the power and the light

and there are so many names for this

but we inhabit a song,

the first breath of a cigarette

I look at the trees and hear dust scatter

I hear your words embody my space

I look to the white walls and back to you

I'm firmly rooted in heaven

Address Change

There were live deer

and dead deer in different places

along our trip

I watched a big bird fly

I saw a small bird fly

I stood by the air-conditioner and smoked

I saw land move slowly

I breathed like a demon

I breathed in lightness and

I held onto the windowsill

In the evenings I fill up with motor oil

in the mornings I run

I count the days until we are out of the city.

2011-09-14T10:35:00.009-04:00

we let the doves do it for us
we dont cry tears

-jeezy

monstrance
when I was sixteen a
flash flood destroyed

my town. I was briefly

stranded on a small
mountain watching

cars slowly float by.

On the hill I found
a golden goblet.

It was encrusted with red

rocks, yellow diamonds,

pieces of amethyst
all cut beautifully…

beautiful rock. inlayed

in the gold were designs
of snakes crossing each

other infinitely, only meeting
at one place to bite each other

in the necks which bled onto
the concrete in front of me.

the water turned into streams
on the road up the hill and I

was so thirsty that I knelt and
I dipped the bleeding goblet

into the stream and wet my
mouth with mountain water

it tasted incredible,

what the gods drank.

it tasted like blood.

i owned it for the second i ran into it
cutting the siphon off of the hurried line

some effect added to the night

a rite of effect

shaking to eye

fema, the national guard,

lights in the distance----

for some reason thinking
about my first kiss,

a song stuck in my head.

In it, I became everything,

the monstrance stood in the moss where I
finally knelt and wept, placing the golden

goblet at the spot I could see where it had

been so many many infinite times before.

I had dipped the golden cup in
that bubbling, clear water,

and I drank from it.

it was as though a cycle was born
that night of hands burning each

other on their wrists with cigarettes,

their arms looking like grapevine.

a long time before I knew any of
you, any single one of you, I was
a different person, but the same.

in that ocean above the water

I gave this world to sharks

and their holy architecture

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Down, Sit, Stay

2011-09-11T22:11:00.001-04:00

Running around in circles, running around, chasing my tail. Stop. Pant. Look at glass. Eyes. Bigger! Running into corner. Pant. Pant. This shit sucks but it's the only way out of this hell hole. Someone's coming and....nothing. Again. Pant. Last week they took Lisa away. She was smaller than me, golden with one white ear. We all called her retarded but for some reason they called her cute. People flipped a shit for that white ear which is funny because that's why her mother stopped looking at her, stopped feeding her. The Shirt People put her with me because they know what a loser I am. Wouldn't hurt Lisa. Help her probably. She lasted about ten man-days and then---a little brat came. "Mommy, mommy mommy!!!" That's all they ever say. Are you fucking kidding me? You're the ones with the English language and all you're going to say is fucking "Mommy!!"?? Losers. Anyways, this fat girl with metal in her mouth and drool stains on her chewed-up collar fuckin' loooooved Lisa. Maybe it's because she's retarded. Two retards. A perfect match. I feel bad talking all this shit about Lisa, because she was actually pretty cool. It was pretty clear though that she didn't have to work very hard to get what she wanted. She had a good body and that stupid ear which everyone loved. I think the Shirt People made her pretty expensive, which is just one of those tricks to make more money. None of us are actually better than the others; they usually up-sell the ones they're afraid of having to take care of so people will think they're better and buy them quicker. Fucked. I get rejected a lot, can you tell?

I've been here for a while now. It started when I was really young. I actually ran away from my Home, can you believe that? I had a bed, a little boy who was gonna be really good to me, sick-ass food and a dope yard. I felt like I was better than that though. Truth be told, I wanted to fuck. You'd think that when they cut your thing off you don't want to fuck anymore but that's bullshit. You just want to fuck more. At first I thought I was some kind of freak, because no one was telling me any of this and I had to just look at people and modern furniture and my sisters all day. They started to take me out more and I started to see bigger dogs. Muscular dogs. Dogs with teeth and slobber and bite. My non-existant boner was rock-hard. Someday I knew I was gonna be one of them.

I bolted. My first run was in the middle of the night and it was not all it was cracked up to be. It was fucking cold and I was actually pretty scared. Shitting myself, kind of. I went back home after what I was pretty sure was a day or so but couldn't go near the property. It fucking reeked. Through one of the windows I could see another little pup, not a brother of mine but maybe a distant cousin, slobbing back at me. This was really fucked up. How long was I gone for before they just replaced me? And now this prissy little fuck who makes my yard smell like fucking daisies and rainbows is gonna take my bed, eat my food? Fuck all that. So I left. I ran. I went into town and shacked up with some other runaways. I got into some pretty fucked up shit, but I'll spare you the details. Let's just say needles. Let's just say I sold myself to buy more. Let's just say I was high out of my mind but I was happy. Those big dogs were afraid of me now. They bowed to me now. Shit was OK but then my cover was blown. We had been crashing by the dumpsters of this shitty convenience store and the dude who owned it had a heart attack or some shit. Basically, he died. All these people busted in on us at once and I was like "Fuck! You're happy I'm not fucking high right now!" They put me in a bag and took me away.

To make a long story short I got sold like a slave to the Shirt People and I've been in Cube 36c ever since. It sucks here. All I can do is run in circles and hope someone finds me. People here call me an asshole, but maybe it's because I am one. You can reject me all you want but it doesn't mean I'm gonna stop trying.

When you say no, all I hear is yes, yes!

definitely happy

2011-09-08T14:53:00.004-04:00

sunday poem #3

I'm reading a poem on thursday morning

on the train and lightly crying,

I'm cresting on this morning's clarity

reading, "everything strains to be inevitable

even as it's being killed forever".

There's our inevitability and sometimes

it's too much, and every few hours I'm speechless.

There are doctors too. Everyone deserves to die.

I wish I could explain my distaste for city life

and my ambition that pulls me toward it.

The sight I've had and the luck to find you.

I was an early bloomer sweetheart

and I don't think there's anything beyond that

which could ever impress me.

In a darker place I subside and dream;

I felt let down by love until I met you

I didn't expect anything to ever be

what you are

what you are to me

It's a star that didn't exist before

you're a star that entered my atmosphere

and lit it the fuck up.

I could cum holding your hand

I see colors when we make love

I see a cave in your soul

with diamonds and dusk

I'm a setting sun that rises every morning

to be close to your burning light.

When I see you in clothes I breathe

when I see you naked I hold my breath

I don't need air when I'm with you

the ocean has a tide in syncopation with the moon

and our days and nights move like water

please surround me and take me down.

2011-09-04T17:24:00.003-04:00

**** *** ***

matthew 16:18

"And I say also unto thee, that thou art Peter,
and upon this rock I will build my church;
and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it"

psalm 129:2

"they have greatly oppressed me from my youth
but they have not gained the victory over me"

matthew 4:18
"As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee,
he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his
brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the
lake, for they were fishermen."

13

lazarus lived

jesus

12
it was a dark day but the
darkness brought out the

color of the yarrow
outside my window

**
***
*****
****

4x4

2011-08-28T10:47:00.001-04:00

The Mrs.

In an infinitely kind home

we can still be swallowed by everyday

just like there's a dead town

the kind where boarded up buildings

aren't the most depressing thing

on the outside I fall into sleep

the smell of lawnmower grass and erasers

the smell of foot locker or payless

welcoming the social disease of lines at recess

blind kids fighting the pain of puberty

I'm looking at you overnight

I'm amazed that I came through haircuts and notebooks

drawings and locker rooms

the time of day; 2:35 pm and the back of the bus

I can't believe I'm alive

In the fall I believe in death

every other time I understand it but deny it

you're returning a fear of death to my life

because I want to live for you and I will

that's the reason I'm here.

If I watch the concrete long enough

I notice the cracks are topographic

like the ripples of a pond would make

great waves for ants

And when I watch your eyelids twitch from

7 to 8 am I think this is pure beauty

it's the physicality that lacks attention

where we should recount our days

in the woods we could walk for a long time

I saw a deer die once, it looked up and then down

I'm always doing that in the night, with you.

I miss you so much and in the morning

when I brush my teeth I think about

sharing a toothbrush with you

it seems so gross with anyone else but

I want your gums and tartar, the food you carry

in a way I'm just hoping to glean from your natural glow

in a hopeless state once I hurt myself

in the end I wasn't super stoked on anything

that was a huge bummer of a day

and then things revolutionized

I thought maybe I was schizophrenic the way

the underside of leaves and corners of rooms shined

but then it's more like a constant glowing

the fact that I'm always alone

but I'll love you better because of this.

I miss the hard touch of sap on foot

the sun and the hours of heaven.

Marking myself with definite areas of patience

I look for a peace in the world

an everyday home that's caring and magnetic

I want to come home to you and ditto,

the harlequin brooding in my studio

enchanted by your visual tyranny over my memory

the smoking guns of everyday life.

stay-cation

2011-08-24T14:39:00.001-04:00

.

Tampa Bay

blues, lying machines
crisp brand new pants
bad case too

bayou gentry nude
setting out, as
youths begin to try out

magnolia sings,
sap drips in their moss
beds, drapery scene

Hawaii

she peed on pickles
then friend drinks it

warm water
out in hawaii

trying to get out of hawaii
by walking down the highway

its hawaii outside
as the powers out inside

like Y is 9
Jason winks twice

flying to hawaii
to find an ant hive

~HAPPY 500TH GAIA~

2011-08-23T07:26:00.003-04:00

its all for you

my published week

2011-08-23T02:33:00.004-04:00

Hell-o-nyc

my interests span beyond the village

farther than butchered meat and bagels

the tired sidewalks with smoke and gum

burnt forever into the foreground

always wasting away and staying thin

you're hair will grow, dear, my eyes get longer

there's beauty in several periodic glances minute to minute

and love in every single one.

So I'm like a bark-less tree

suffering the winds of passing time

this is where I get exhausted, this is where shit gets real

the fact that nothing stops time

that our faces will get worse and wrinkled, and moral sense pervades

history will repeat, I mean we'll fall in love continuously

there's ideas I have, about large works of art

about laying with you in bed

and how to find a clearing we can drive to

that's ours, for drinking by the sunset

like in the movies.

9am

In the winter

we'll have snow

in the summer

we'll have time

in the middle ground

I swallow your spit.

Gold

The pawn shop owners

hate having to wait

they want to sell sell sell

and the thing is,

people sell to them

they do the buying

hope to flip,

but it's weird right?

who does that?

Stereo

When one is flying

it's way different at night

than in the day - I prefer night

like that R.E.M. song

but in the air, really it's not so different

the spanish war, teenage nations,

everybody knows night is when shit

get's heavy, like, people die.

2011-08-21T11:48:00.006-04:00

come on, its not worth it

or is everything?

xx
one green one black
each hand marshaled

puffy around the cluster
wearing western fringe

she'd have to be a
national geographic
with hoop earrings

this is the smell of the
death room upstairs

i can thrive off it

some people even
come in and take
deep breaths…

like taking off work
and going back to

living life in a rut

but at least

it's dimensional

untitled (k4s)
the second time i was born
was in the corner of a trash
filled room. nothing of value
was in the trash, not even
to the most desperate of
scavengers.

if I die in my sleep tonight,
let the wedding bells ring

in the hell that can be life

anything to say to you

anything to say to you

retox jealousy of slurring

forgetting what all that
drama is about, to the

dumb fucking eighteen

year old girl who watched
over me when my parents

wanted a night away,

that feeling never changed

places taken to random

candle lit and mesmerizing

mixing days and hoping
to not wake up the next

*** **** **** *** ************ ******** ***** **** *** **

september "betty and veronica" spring
september "sid and nancy" spring

STORE INSIDE THE SEASHORE

2011-08-20T23:22:00.005-04:00

COMING APART

SOMEONE WEARING A SUIT AT THE BEACH

THE SAND IN FLORIDA ON A BIRD

OCEAN WHERE THERES ICE IN IT

A NEW TRAIN THAT GOES VERY FAST

BURNT CLOTHES NEAR THE TRASH

REGULAR ANIMALS LOOKING THERE

A BLACK GUY NEXT TO A GUY

THE BOG THAT THEY'RE NEAR

GRASS BENEATH THE BLACK CAR

ONLY NOTICING PINKS AT NIGHT

AN ICE MACHINE IN THE HOTEL

AND WONDERING WHAT THE MOOD IS

I WEAR MAKE-UP

OBVIOUSLY COMING HERE

ONE OF THE BOY FAVORITES

COVERED IN CLOWN FLOUR

SO SIKKK WITH THE NIGHTTIME

TOUCHING HER TOUCHING ME

EMILY'S VAGINA

BACON

BUTTER

MILK

EGGS

CABOTT SHARP CHEDDAR

OLIVE OIL

BACON

ARNOLD'S COUNTRY WHITE

D BATTERIES

GUSHERS

FROSTED FLAKES

SWEET GERKINS

MNT DEW

BACON

A COUPLE OF PENS

KIDNEY BEANS

CUMIN POWDER

HIGH LIFE

WHITE GRAPES

GENERIC PLAN B

2011-08-15T00:21:00.004-04:00

waves

We're so old

and the gravity is like butter

melting your eyes out

I'm smoking now

in your back room

I'm smoking now

in your front room

It's hard to believe

that this is the time

and this is the time

and we're just here

smoking

we watch the water like

it has an answer

at least I do

I watch the water and wait

thinking if it could always

be like this

if it could fucking always be this way.

stop the horses

There are plenty of towers in the city

looking around I could care less

about all of the people.

2011-08-11T17:48:00.004-04:00

all of the rain that cries as it carries

itself to ancient realities of levitation;

it is singing as it hits the trees

drips off of bridges and roofs

we see it in our own eyes as if they

are periscopes of their own hoping

the essence of bone, gold,

and the scales of snakes

banked by the beauty of a

shoreless creature whose

love knows no bounds for

itself and dances like virus

into its own self-mitigated

hexagons of the "absence"

and the excitement and

zeal of what we know

to be the flying of a

kite or the letting go

of a burning tape

smelling like fixative

and then seaweed,

taking notes during

something that isn't

academic whatsoever

half of them imagined-

a real mosquito net I

hope Harry slept under.

in each of us we have

a testing board of sun

like the tar canyons

filled to duane reade

there are a thousand

things that you could

film, beauties that are

often remarkable in

their total stillness

the perfect example

being snakes who

will bite you, but

only release their

venom if they are

wanting to eat you.

snakes

selective?

many snakes

always release

paisan

resting peace

and then resting again?

its a chess game

with bram stoker

or a prostitute I

befriended in a

crackhouse

basement

so far from leaves

the whole point of

any poem being

measurement

the measurement

of all the different

leaves is more

poetic than any

moment could

even touch

and that becomes

apparent with the

architecture of

everything that

we midas touch,

stomachs burning.

the fronds laid for the

creation time, a newly

whitewashed Testament

where each night

across the world,

we would get up

in the night and

get ourselves

a glass of water,

all intermittently

of course, thirsty '

from sleeping entirely

still for the days ahead

thirsty already for the

week you have ahead

***** ** ***** ***

hunting and shit

2011-08-11T01:47:00.004-04:00

atlantis

under an Andalusian sky I'll tell you one thing

and I'm definitely going to save that one thing

until we are under and andalusian sky

because I don't know where that is and the thing

I will tell you will have to do with my

unfounded pursuit of andalusia.

tub

2011-08-11T01:41:00.003-04:00

spaghetti western

the even wind hits the small of my back

the tired night limits my movements to two:

one for relieving your pain and one for

explaining the discontents of contemporary art.

whatever.

Shut up Emily

the movement left considers the length of grass

and the movement right considers that which lies in the grass

there are two ways to believe in art

one is the distance between yourself and the object

the other is that there is no predetermined organization and

any attempt would be a paw print on a timeless wooden floor of

a deserted house in echo park.

joy division

I'm dedicated to the decision of time and space

as being irreparable beyond newtonian physics

and if we're living in a time 300 years removed from

the most legitimated explanation of our physical world

then, like, what the fuck? You want me to recycle?

steamboat

2011-08-11T01:25:00.002-04:00

saying it

I can enter a misguided conversation with anyone

at this point in my life

and come out relatively unscathed

it's amazing how crazy some people are

how they cater to oblivion, thinking

they're heading in the right direction.

I sat there on a bench watching animals pass by

I sat there thinking about fire and time

I sat there wondering if the man who invented the coat-hanger

had made a fortune. I always bring it up as a good example

of someone who filled a necessary gap in civilized necessity,

but maybe the coat-hanger preceded capitalism, and if so

maybe I'm trying to re-invent the coat-hanger?

Anyway, there's a black dog in my dreams

and my name is sam, so like, you know?

haiku of love #101

the moon three times

in one person relegates

a favoritism in me

in air

I've left so many places

just kidding, I don't care about things like that

I've just moved around now and then

and stayed when necessary

I enjoy the idea of not thinking about this

So when I was tired on a hot afternoon

I went running to wake up, to feel good about

owning two feet and legs

I found several things to look at while running.

One was of course a disaster with ambulances and fire trucks

the other was flowers and trying to decide if I were to buy some

what kind she would like

the third was my own hand in a cabinet, searching for

something I knew not what - I pretended I cared

I pretended to myself, you know? and how can I do this you ask?

power of the mind - it's a constant mystery.

But really, the pipes will burst in winter - we'll make love on both coasts

I'll continue to hold you head more and more tenderly and when the walls

shake from bursting pipes or earthquakes, we'll know that it doesn't matter

because everything is so potent, take for example this poem I'm writing you.

orbit gum

As the moon sank it yellowed like a sailor with jondis

in the background I could see the curvature of the earth, right behind

the rise of your back, the hurricane of your hair and the slight whisper

of your aching neck. I wondered if the earth came to follow the moon, or the moon

came to meet the earth. Either way they are perfect complements, and the sun only serves

as a friend, someone to witness two lovers in dying pursuit, to say they are "romantics",

they are both fighting for each other's lives.

beach haiku #101

In the end I will be a rock

she will be a shell

oh oh oh oh oh

tidal wave

2011-08-11T01:13:00.003-04:00

Helicopter Wings

if undergarments carry a watershed moment

I'd like to thank them for everyone

for herself and himself

the water is tight here

I hang below the bells of thunder

I hang below your arm

in the west we are one

in the east there's a lot to deal with

but still it's stronger than a dog moving

it's teeth through flesh, a dirty car,

or the sense that this could all end loudly

a dirty bone tossed to the sky

watching it turn in it's own inertia

skipping stones on a heavy sunday

asking my brother where his hair went

'where'd your hair go?'

'out the window, obviously.'

Silly Sylvie

Sylvia sat in her car

watching the lights turn brown

everything was moving so fast it was muddied

she too off her belt and masturbated

she cried about the lack of love in her life

she was totally alone

and for some this might be comforting

but not for her

she drove her car into a ditch attempting death,

but instead just her dog died

so then she was totally destitute.

fucking sucks.

candle

I watched the marching band walk by my bed

I saw several nudes in black

I saw a white girl on the beach

I took a dip and mirrored the sky

I saw the potential of the sand

if it rebuilt itself into one large rock

like a boulder mould

this is it, we're entitled to this one.

anyway, the backdrop of my days is transparent

her hair is translucent

and we kiss a lot

there's a word for this and I'm just learning it now.

I can believe the washing machine does tricks

I can believe that I sleep heavily

I can't believe how hard I've worked

and it's just going to expand

it's underwater like a foam dinosaur capsule

like a blood capsule I can bite and bleed from

it's all fake but looks real

just like fossils on the beach.

pray for rest

2011-08-11T00:53:00.002-04:00

water

I saw you today

you're like my romantic sister

because you're so close

it's already unconditional

you do what you have to do

so do I

but it's the same thing out here in the woods

I smell like a wholesome kid

you smell like instant nostalgia

the lightning bolts are heavy here

but fuck, the poem of death isn't

like an empty closet, it is like a dirty dish

it's complicated when it should be clean

it's covered in mud

no sorrow

not now

not never.

english

If I were an astronaut

maybe there'd be more places to go

I'm quite comfortable

fucking around in the place I'm at -

oh god - it's like heaven

and I wish it were Erin coming home, but it's a crazy bitch

oh my god, something must have gone wrong too

this girl won't shut up - she's just so insane

just makes me happier to have met the women of my dreams.

ugh, and her fucking dog.

when I get a dog it will be nice and friendly, big and compassionate.

no smoking in bed

there are two heartbeats, sometimes one

there's always a darkness

it's not even a question of when

or how

or who

but just bleeding

you set the scene

together we need no proper nouns.

2011-08-05T09:08:00.001-04:00

poems that start with the letter "i"
i started off the day confused where i was

classical music in the fog sounds like disco

the person in who runs the television store
turns off the power because he closes at 8,

and the film was only three-quarters done

so i continued to walk

looking at all the window

looking t the

house filled with stray cats

there's some weird cosmological
reason that people associate god
viewing us with us viewing the TV

te re 1ill

kiddy-corner from my brother's
aparmrnt i saw a bunch of kids

playing in a fire hydrant

barefoot in clothes,

the amount of water

mary magdeline

sometimes the night
was so thick he tried

walking up it like stairs

ihrough it like a hedge maze,
ran, following the minotaur

becoming the minotaur

castigating DaI ALL OJ y

choose your windows
wisely, because they

are your chosen
frames of reality

in one of my many lives
i was granted that opportunity

*

Crutches

2011-08-04T19:30:00.003-04:00

It took five months on crutches for the mold to set in. At first, he thought it was just typical under-arm pain; he couldn't feel much so he figured the pain would have to go somewhere. It continued on and he didn't talk about it. He didn't have anyone to talk about it with, and why would he? Something changed after dipping in the ocean. His mother forced it upon him, like a chore he had to do for her, like cleaning the bathroom or picking up the laundry or taking the trash out back or clearing the table or turning off the TV, regular shit like that. "Adam," she whined, in her whine, like "Yeah-dam." "Yeahdam, go in the wahtah...it'll be good for you I prawmise." Nothing. "OK enough Yeahdam get the fuck in the wahtah or I'll get up off my chyeah." He bumbled in, crutches barely holding him, dropping them, tossing them behind him as he flung himself into the ocean. The water stung more than he remembered it did. It was fucking frigid and he wanted out. As he staggered out, the loudest sound he ever heard filled his ears, skies turned grey, colors popped, his legs, his legs, lips pursed, everyone swirled, mother looked old, people turned away, his face implanted in the back of theirs, pointing to him, mocking, laughing. Something fucked up and he was on the ground, spiralling in pain.

After that, the pain levels shot up, shot through the glass ceiling he always knew was there but didn't think he'd ever break. He couldn't leave the house, but his mom didn't mind. When the mold started he thought he was just dirty, after all, he hoofed around doing shit for his mom all day and didn't really take a shower because he couldn't alone and he fucking hated when his mom tried to wash him herself. He took a shower in the sink. It was still there in the morning, maybe worse. He microwaved his breakfast and stared at the little wooden sign hanging above dishwasher: "Cleanliness is Godliness".

The mold started out under his pits and eventually spread down his arms, dripping like sweat. Before too long it had folded itself over his whole torso, rippling his skin like water. He couldn't help it. It was moving faster than he could. It hurt to hold himself up. His legs, useless, were probably all covered by now. At night, if he listened close enough, the mold would hiss to him.

"SSSSsssstop sssssaying t h a t, yyyouu aaAAhroggant assssssssssshole..."

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhhomething isssstopping youfromm sssssstopping me...."

"SSssssssavee yourssellfffff..........."

2011-08-02T03:30:00.003-04:00

*** ***

****** ********** ******* *

*************

loaded cold
and puked in the sink

bananas, a monster, assault
and plenty of the flag cans

as soon as i drove there.

really attracting little dissection
of reality another, some moths

there are the black birds of winter
circling around the various carcasses

that were strewn in a pattern but not
by any pattern of god or man because

it makes no sense to us then or now

the potato chip looks like the
moon's surface in my hand

in front and center

a couple on television
kissed with scrambled

eggs in their mouths.

i had to smell her hair

i didn't mean to bleed in
her bed but my scabs

and my fiancé

when people drink red wine
they suck on their bottom lip

dying of parmesan face
in my dying crystal ball

doing a lot of the parmesan,
with the roommates, set it up
with rock salt + vinegar

czn
how do people die?
sometimes carelessness

for doctors and their prizes
eating at the tunbridge fair

the feathers stay falling

stealth bomber
he thought to himself
cutting lines of dilaudid

"there are too many atticus
finches in this town and not

enough rabid dogs"

middle school social studies class
they sure pal up with you
or they don't get there at all

**** ******* **** ***** ****

/&changing with the swears&&&&&&&&&&&&&

2011-07-30T05:05:00.001-04:00

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

well, fuck,
dig deeper
cause

my friend

he'll never
kill me

but

i know

he won't

ever know

which

will ever
look at least

satisfaction

not gratisfaction
no understanding

without

trying a little harder
at least rock harder

its real
and there are implications

such as

satisfaction

not reading straight
not only fingertips

alone with your guns

and real estate

cooler

2011-07-28T19:22:00.002-04:00

Koala

I'm pretty sure I'm happy

and I'm positively killing myself

the way an old analogue answering machine

warms the tape and uses it, receiving a love letter

while I'm out in the yard wondering if she'll call:

nothing's positive or negative,

just impressions left in space.

So I feel good outside melting by the sun

everyone is independently pushing themselves

to the next place to spend time

the interim is wasted time, don't be fooled –

just look at your hands, look at the wall

the way a cigarette burns, you'll never get it back.

Anyway, as snow falls there's a need for warmth,

as your heart beats there's a need for blood;

in the end the best thing to do would be to dig a giant hole –

at least the empty space would hold you –

maybe we could see it from a plane

maybe you would be the secret in mundane art, boring life.

Crooks

2011-07-28T13:05:00.002-04:00

Passengers Leave

I think I'm really happy

I know I'm killing myself

It will always wait by the door

Look at the weather

just look out the window

just breath and wonder

is she breathing now too?

I slept by the water

I felt totally alone

I began to get up in the morning

I sat back down and checked my emails

nothing to report but

I could have guessed there was news

there's always current events

but I don't have an interest in the absurd

I'm interested in the empirical, the hand that feeds me

the desk that burns all the time

the width of my room

the width of your neck

the hair let down to your shoulders

I see everything tainted by blue sky

will it ever turn white?

Oh come on, I'm not like this all the time

I'm going to move soon, I can feel it

the way I knew we'd kiss

the way I deliver packages to the post office

so they can subtract my days

my days in the sun and the toll it takes

on the desert like my skin

like my passing life

like the lack of trust in new york city

like the way a car can crash and

nobody gets hurt

or everybody dies

it only exists in sound for a second

and words for a few years

and then all you have are worms.

I'm not being pessimistic

I write all this in order to consider truth

to be honest with you.

pregnant pause

2011-07-28T12:52:00.003-04:00

These days look like a desert

to think about what's important

doesn't seem important anymore

the adverse claims toward action

over intellectual pursuits may be just

but who really gives a fuck

what I'm talking about is dirt

the things inside my mind that rust

but I'm still me, right?

I do this thing some nights

that makes me care less about mortality

I'm free and can work diligently, unabashed

but really I think about absent forms

absent colors

gone people

So slowly this forms a reality of presence

I'm clued into a secret that's unimportant

but my pursuit thereof creates some worth

even if it's only personal collateral

so that when I smoke cigarettes and look at the wall

I can say I was thinking about something valuable

but that value is so fucking different than

money, maybe not that different than precious stones though.

Anyway, my thoughts turn to love sometimes too

it's like there's this girl, you know?

and then I think about colors again,

saturation, desaturation, deterioration,

fading, residue, lasting, and lack. I don't

want my art to lack love, or myself.

banking

2011-07-27T15:28:00.002-04:00

Cannonball

I just remembered I was supposed to send someone an email

The thing with everyplace in the world is it's the same

like talking to a guy in the hardware store who things we're "bros"

"well, you know it's the same anywhere you go"

and all the sudden I'm like, "come again?"

"You know" he says "I was in Nam and it felt like Missouri"

he does this thing like clapping and rubbing with his hands

it's really gross to hear his dry skin massaging itself

"Same same" he smiles.

I've been to thailand, that's what everyone says there

it's so lame, hearing people say that

But you know? it's true - only difference is vegetation and walls.

This room I'm in is the same as the ocean

except that I'm not floating in water, I'm floating in space,

the water is cool and I adore you.

I can say hallelujah because I'm free

this summer is fucking insane -

but I think that every summer

I feel lucky, indebted to insanity

and rock and roll

I fucking love listening to music.

Anyway, I have to relax

I may die

Anyway, I can't remember the color of your eyes

I'm grinding my teeth and dreaming about mirrors

I want to look at myself at least once a day

to make sure I am not not there

to make sure I don't have a zit on my face

to hold myself in the presence of grace

to believe that I'm alone

to know that death is a friend

and I look life in the face only to accomplish

a dark hope that I'm spinning in someone's mind

I'm not a sole witness to my generative morals

I have none, but you know, ideas carry inherent ethics

I'll treat you well

make sure your wrist is right.

2011-07-26T06:27:00.003-04:00

the pachysandra holds many secrets

***
*******
*** *** ***** **
the ferns hold many secrets

**** ***** *******

snow
we okay broken van window

sometime more oc four panic

through the suits at midtown

palace blues
stacked up to the heavens

head between orchid knees

legendary

the key to the city

hands red

the bachelorette
rooting for ash is a biblical dream
it is like a child in love with psalms

because of its efficiency
and electrons of coercion

coded out-of-body-experiences

removing the element that it has
all been taped it is not possible

she's a dancer, dancer girls
tend to stick to themselves

because they are usually insane.

yeah, father died then the stepfather
died and so finding out more about

him at this point in fir irrigation stars

x

sick old love
he was trying to latch
onto all the old widows

her husband was still
alive, but not for long

the medicine
my grandmother's doctor
is getting high on someone's

supply. he gives out back rubs
that are always poorly received

im looking for that

obliterator
sow & ewe brains

he a looking cared
to spent machine

fentanyl patch

head cheese from
the cattle's lengua

y cabeza,

all etc.'d out

sold himself upriver

thailand
i heard a story of a
friend going astray

in thailand

*** *************

talking to andrea

2011-07-23T05:17:00.002-04:00

one more

what if I fell through a dark dim hole

a cave of sorts? would you wonder about me?

Honestly I'd say see you later,

like see you alter...

What I mean is if you don't care it's

beyond the person who fell down the cave

it's down to your afterlife

whatever, I don't drive an ambulence

I think about you a lot

I wonder if I have double-digits good friends

like if the people i can trust with a secret are in the

double digits

at this point we've had sex

and what's more is I know

the best way to send you

flowers

and beyond that is the fact that we text

and lastly, I exclusively listen to emotional music

I would father your child if you asked

that's because you are a snow angel

anyway, can we look at the harvest moon

every year it's so large and orange

like everything else, it's boring

What if I said how much I love you

I don't know that I do

but I should wait for you to say it first

and you will, that's how this is panning out.

smith

2011-07-23T05:02:00.002-04:00

sudden

Staying up all night alone is

different than staying up with pals

doing cocaine and talking

now it's like

did cocaine and can't sleep

you know?

it's totally different.

the question is what do you do

what does one do?

you, one, looks at the wall

decide whether to turn on the light

and, of course, you one does

what else, if you didn't you'd be wasting your time.

I've got a joke to tell you

this is going to be a long poem

that could be the joke

but it's not

getting longer

so anyway, thing is when you're reading this

you'lll either be with me or you won't

if you're not than that's better

because I don't care too much

and if yes, you're with me

than great, because I love you.

I'm by the water, looking at the sand

mulching the world and microcosms of death

bleed into my thoughts

happy and sad

follow each other like the tide

it doesn't matter

at all

so if I'm sleeping and you want to fuck

just wake me up

and if I'm sleeping and you want to ruin my life

just wake up

and if I'm sleeping and you want to 'talk'

just talk, it's either the best

or it's the worst

and I'll choose.

cars

I looked out the window yesterday

I looked out a window everyday

except those several days in the hospital

when I couldn't turn my head

those were the worst

I looked at the TV.

transit

every time we dance I want to

hold you like a dog

you just feel responsive

and if I were elliot smith

I'd compose a suicide note

next time

hi you

every hour

I look at

the hairs on your

head and wonder

is this weird?

surfing

heaven was baking in the sun

but was it hot?

I assume if I die

I will be eaten by worms,

but if you die

I'll catch the earth and you

in a 5 gallon bucket

and make it beautiful

then the worms.

it's so hot

2011-07-22T22:43:00.005-04:00

zzzzzzzzzzzz

little Polish Girls
Know how To Fuck
It all Up

Consider Jaws
Before Driving
Even Respect
without Yelling

Overhead

its in the breath
well you know its
also in the thrust

as backwards as
I get it
So try again and

again, harder
even try under water
again underwater

Fuck, so hot

when the fan just blows hot air
and the cat wretches
tooth aches

30th February,

Today its raining small drops
the wind broke a branch overhead
it shook the attic and almost
bought a day in bed

My cat is on the roof
the wind flew him
gusts kept catching him
something something something

"Dorian just broke something" - bitch

XXXXXXXXX

all in the weds.

2011-07-21T20:16:00.001-04:00

Romeo

it's hard to tell when my hands are doing what I want

I can't see her hands and I'm surprised when I realize

what they are doing when we are doing it

the thing about the sky is it's always there

it changes color all the time

the sky is changing color all the fucking time

it doesn't quit

lately I have a hard time telling if someone is mexican or chinese

it's not because I'm ignorant

it's because I can't tell anymore

the melting pot has melted my meter

I don't see race, but that's a problem

when I tell the guy at the metal shop:

"donde esta su jefe"

and he shrugs his shoulders

I look at my assistant and say:

"wait, is this guy chinese?"

he looks at me like a cat

like, "are you retarded?"

Anyway, my hands are doing this right now.

You been out there?

Maybe there's a place called Great Barrington

maybe there's a Great Barrington in Vermont

I've never looked up any town I wasn't going to

I've never researched a town

I've only looked for the roads that get me there

If I google Great Barrington, I imagine I'll be disappointed

Ice'd Coffee

Your voice is like a bell

ringing quietly with various tones

sounds like a church awaiting arrival

you're a ceremony

every minute I'm around

I'm not surprised that I can be a man

in your eyes

when I said that I missed what you said

because I was looking at your beautiful eyes

I was joking, it's because I was drunk

you whispered something when I said this

like it wasn't my eyes it was the alcohol, and I wondered

if we're on the same page - I mean it felt like we were totally

on the same page

it's at the beginning of relationships I have to be careful

I can be very funny when I try

but it takes a lot of effort

and so I don't want you to think I'm funny all the time

because then I'd get really tired

anyway I'm banking on the fact you'll never read this

the windows stay closed so I stay cool

I'm a very open man

I'm very open, man

Just Kidn

Once I held an entire room in my eyes

I watched the walls billow in and out

I was on acid and enjoying the music

I was thinking about death and the likelihood

of my own demise, due to my demising habits

I looked at the floor for a while

I wondered if people noticed me looking at the floor

because it was a small room, everyone could see

hence holding the whole room in my eyes

I held it up, I propped everyone up but looked at the floor

I waited for conversation, it never came

I made coffee the next day and felt alone

Look's Like Heaven

Your dresses are nice

you tried one on for me

one with polka-dots

it's nice to have your hands

in mine. I've studied them

you'll take care of yourself

my entire life. I wanted to feel

more at home when we said

goodbye. I wondered if you

feel melancholy during the day

the middle of the day is the hardest part

it sucks in every ounce of desire

and spits out ethics, like europe.

I wanted to swing you up into a cloud

a museum of tornados, walking with our

legs covering the same pace with every step

the lightness of everything, but if you're not sad

you don't need to deal with this, everything

I'm alway dealing with, it's so boring and dark.

Sycamore

2011-07-20T17:09:00.001-04:00

all the trees

the sky was in just the right place

where the sun illuminates color but not objects

the kids were running in the street

and I realized how meaningless they were

if you put everyone in the world together

like one person representing the whole

it would be wildly mediocre

and that's the point

everyone is doing the same thing

there's barely reason to communicate

because the thoughts have been unanimously shared

predict what I say and I predicted you would

it's the same here, now

so where and what do we do

we look at each other and cry

I put everything into you because you represent one person

the whole world and one person

that's the way to do it

or you isolate and communicate with the one

the earth that isn't change

bringing it all back home -

not industrialization

de-industrialization

not organic consumption

non-consumption

not love or hate, just necessity

not anything or everything all the time

just nothing

what I mean is, when I heard music

I heard an inanimate objective tone

being tastefully shaped.

material is objective, tastefully shaped

but the earth is not objective, it's beyond that

it's going to tastefully shape you and me

if we let it.